So I haven't been active in over a year...or almost two, sue me. My blog. Quick refresh. Writers Guild strike. Business shuts down. Fat got trimmed. Assistants got laid off. I didn't. But, even though not getting laid off was a very good thing, the strike compelled those with jobs to stay at their jobs. Thus, no movement. So I wasn't able to find an opportunity to assist a Motion Picture Literary Agent.
On the contrary I was tractor-beamed into an open position working for the head of the TV Literary Dept. He was a bear. He IS a bear. The Bear doesn't like his assistants. I worked for The Bear for just over a year and a half. If I were Asian and gay I truly would compare my experience to Lloyd.
I was yelled at for things beyond my control. I got coffee (which was both belittling and a breath of fresh air, literally), I got made fun of, etc. One particular instance, which was totally my fault, came on a Tuesday morning. Later that morning The Bear had a meeting with a writer (I can't remember if they were a client already or not...I assume not) and so in preperation for the meeting The Bear had some material to familiarize himself with. I gave The Bear the material the previous Thursday since he was out of the office on Friday. Monday comes and goes and I assumed The Bear would have read the material over the weekend for Tuesday morning. That was the critical mistake. Rule #1 in the assistant Bible - Never assume. Always clarify. Always follow-up. I understand the importance of the rule, but I definitely liken it to, "Always wipe the boss' ass for them." So. I'm sitting at my desk on Tuesday morning. The Bear calls in. It goes something like this:
The Bear
Was't I supposed to have read
something for this meeting this morning?
Lloyd
Yes, I gave it to you last Thursday when
you asked for all the reading that you needed
for the next week.
A brief beat. The Bear breathes HEAVY.
The Bear
Uh Huh. (beat) Ok (beat)
So you didn't tell me yesterday
that I needed to read this?
Fuck.
Lloyd
I thought you would have read it
over the weekend since you asked-
DING! An elevator delivers The Bear to our floor of the building. Lloyd turns to catch the soon-to-be priceless reactions of his peers during a public beating -ahem, berating.
The Bear
(in stereo from phone and down the hall - yelling)
What the fuck!? You think I can
keep track of all this shit!? This is
your f'n job!! You wanna poke the bear
first thing in the f'n morning?! Alright,
we can go there!
Llyod watches as mouths drop to the floor. Everyone knows it's coming. Shit, everyone hears it coming. Lloyd's face turns RED. The Bear rounds the corner. Here we go...
Alright, I won't be tiring out the Entourage cliche too much...but I thought it would be the most efficient way of summing up what parts of my life were like over the past two years. Despite all that, I learned the world of TV. I saw how it all works inside and out. From little nobody deals to big f'n "this is the most important person in tv" deals.
Once I finished working for The Bear and found The Bear a replacement...The Bear liked me. All in all it was a good time. It's like looking back on boot camp and saying, "It was the best thing I've ever done and will never do again."
